Star Trek Return of the iPod's
by hannahisnotarealperson
Summary: just a random fan-fiction i wrote. Not great but to be honest, i dont really give a cookie dough. Two girls from the year 2013 (duh) are brought upon the enterprise but kirk and scotty, they are then unable to return home and so become members of kirk's crew. They have a rather entaining time, espically when someone accidently wakes up Khan. Well done dude.
1. Break-in

Hannah and Frances sighed as the episode came to an end. The end credits rolled up across the screen of Frances' laptop. Hannah looked away from the glare of the screen into the darkness of the room.

"Uuugggh! That was soo good!" she said blinking rapidly to adjust her eyes.

"Best one so far." Frances agreed sleepily.

CRASH!

The two girls shot upright, suddenly neither felt particularly drowsy anymore.

"What was that?" Hannah whispered, her voice trembling.

"I don't know," Frances hissed back, "my parents aren't due home for another 2 hours." There was a second crash, this time from right outside the room. A man with dark blond hair stumbled into the room. James Tiberius Kirk, captain of starship USS Enterprise, tripped over the rug and face-planted right on top of two 13 year old girls. They screamed, very loudly.

Scotty came running into Frances' room. Kirk rolled off of Hannah and Frances and onto the floor. Scotty looked around in amazement,

"I think it worked." He said grinning, "Aye. Captain it worked!" Hannah and Frances huddled closer together and shifted towards the bed, further away from these two strange men.

"Yeah, I see that Scotty." Kirk groaned getting up. Hannah, perking up the courage to ask, timidly stuttered.

"W-what worked?"

"Who are you?" Frances whispered squashing herself impossibly close against the bed. Kirk and Scotty exchanged worried glanced. Scotty turned to them awkwardly.

"Ah," He said, "Well, that's kind of a long story."

Hannah laughed shakily and snapped.

"You broke into a fully alarmed house without setting off any alarms, meaning that you couldn't have gone through any of the doors or windows. So unless you are Santa Claus and came down the chimney, I have no idea how you got in here. You are talking about something working, so that makes me VERY suspicious as it would anyone else. And finally, and I think this is the most odd, YOU," she pointed at scotty, "You are looking at the laptop as if it is the weirdest thing you have ever seen and have never seen a laptop before in your entire life." Frances nodded slightly, mildly encouraged by Hannah's outburst, which had actually terrified Hannah more.

"Explain." Frances said quietly, then louder and with more confidence, "You'd better explain right now or I'm calling the police!" She pulled out her iPod, hoping they would think it was an iPhone in the little light they had in the room. Thankfully neither of them had paid any attention in History of technology, lucky for Hannah and Frances

"Whoa….!" Kirk said holding his hands aloft. "Alright, we'll tell you. But if what Scotty's been trying to do has actually worked then you won't believe me. I'm Jim Kirk and that's Scotty. We are from a ship- space ship, not a… (What's called…?) Boat called the Enterprise. Scotty was developing an equation to travel through both space and time."

Frances raised an eyebrow,

"Time travel? Yeah, right." She said sceptically, "Who do you think you are? The Doctor from Doctor Who?" Neither Scotty nor Kirk understood this reference so they just looked awkwardly at each other. Spock activated the comms' unit.

"Captain?" Hannah yelped, unable to tell where the voice was coming from.

"Cookie dough! There's another of you?" She cried.

"Captain, who is that?" Spock enquired.

"Good to hear from you too Spock," Kirk replied dryly, "There's a slight complication. Two little-"

"I'm NOT little!-"

"-kids have seen us. I think we should take them back on board." Scotty, started nosing around Frances room, poking at the light switch.

"Captain, I don't think that would be a logical-"

CREAK… Scotty nudged the television and it creaked as it rocked forwards. Hannah quickly moved to get out of its way but not quick enough. It landed on top of her arm and a loose broken wire slapped Frances around the face leaving a nasty cut across the cheek.

"We don't have a choice anymore. Spock, get Bones to Transporter Bay and beam us now, all four of us."

"Bu-"

"DO IT!" Kirk yelled.

"You heard ze keptin!" Chekov said in the Transporter Bay. The ensign at the control pad began to type in commands. The transporter pad glowed with light as Bones rushed in. The four of them materialised onto the pads. Bones took one look at Hannah's arm.

"Dammit Jim! What did you do?!" He groaned. He helped Hannah up, then noticing the blood welling up on Frances face added, "You'd better come too."

They hurried down the corridor. Hannah collapsed half-way causing Bones to carry her the rest of the way. He lifted her onto a bed and an assistant nurse came to tend to Frances injures. Frances explained that a T.V. had fallen on her arm. When the nurse didn't know what a T.V. was she exclaimed,

"You've never heard of a T.V.?!" Frances launched into a long and complicated explanation of a television. Bones riffled through shelves and shelves of medicine, looking for something to help treat Hannah. Whilst the nurse pretended to understand what Frances was actually talking about, she tended to the cuts on her face.

Bones finished working on Hannah's arm.

"It's not broken." He told Frances, "You might want to get some rest. Knowing our luck we'll probably be under attack from Klingons in the morning. I blame Jim." Frances groaned and rolled over, placing her head on to the pillow.

"I'm not even gonna ask." She muttered.

Within seconds she was asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Sup guys, continuing with this. Both Hannah and Frances are based on real people, one them moi, and the other person knows who they are, and I just to say, I'll try not to make your character too un-like you, but if I insult you please tell me!Oh and, these aren't their real names except my first name, so :p Anyways… meet character 2.

Hannah woke up far too early for her liking the next morning, blinking against the bright glare of the medical bay lights.

"wher- argh! Ever loving strawberry cheesecake, it wasn't just a cookie dough dream." She muttered to herself. Bones came over and checked her over.

"You'll be fine. Your arm will probably ache from a few days though." He informed her. Frances rolled over, nearly fell out of bed and woke with a start. She glanced around, then suddenly remembered where she was.

"Sup?" she asked Hannah, blearily rubbing her eyes.

"Well," Hannah began, "assuming that we are in space, which is a certainty as that weird dude called this a 'spaceship' then technically nothing and everything. This is because there is no gravity in space so no one is able to judge which direction could be thought of as up. Therefore all that I can say for definite is up would be the ceiling of this room, and that would only be to anyone on board this ship." Frances laughed slightly,

"Same as usual then." Kirk, who had been stood in the corner alongside Spock, said.

"Oh look, Spock, it's a mini you!" Hannah grinned stupidly, then paused. She turned to Bones

"Is that an insult?" She asked. Bones nodded "Ah, phish food!" Frances shook her head laughing at her best friend's strange language. Kirk sat down on Frances' bed. The bed sank a few centimetres lower.

"We never really introduced properly after Scotty dropped whatever that was on you. I'm James Tiberius Kirk, captain of this ship." He paused, "This is Spock, he's a Vulcan."

Frances frowned,

"Did you just call him a bird of prey that only eats already dead animals and look hideous?" Hannah threw a pillow at her head.

"That's a VULTURE, dumbass." Frances caught the pillow and threw it straight back at her.

"Says the person who spelt her own name wrong at the top of an exam paper last week, and got no marks for it even though you got most of it right because no one could figure it out who's it was." Hannah failed to catch the pillow and it hit her right in the face. She spat out the fluff from her mouth. Holding out a hand to Kirk she finally replied.

"Hannah Jane Mortimer, call me 'Jane', 'Mortimer' 'mort' or any abbreviation of my name and I will punch you in the face." Kirk laughed and shook her hand, but Hannah's face remained serious.

"Oh, she's not kidding I made that mistake. I'm Frances Pearson by the way." She half-lifted a hand when she said her name. Bones collected a scanner and began moving it over Frances' injuries, she wafted it away from her face but Bones hit her hand gently as if to say

'No, I will wave this scanner in front of your face.' Aloud he said,

"Jim, unless you have something you want to say aside from mind-less chatter, please get out. And take the green-blooded hobgoblin with you. I have patients that need to recover." Kirk glared at him.

"In fact Dr McCoy," Spock replied, ever, well, Spock. "The Captain does have something to say, two things in fact." He looked pointedly at Kirk.

"sorryforsittingonyourheadbothofyou. Scotty'smakingmesaysooryforbothmeandhim. Scotty wanted to say sorry." Kirk muttered very quickly and exceptionally quietly. Bones looked up, mildly amused.

"Did you just apologise for something?"

"Shuddup Bones!" Kirk snapped. "Anyway, the other thing for Scotty's time travelling idea to work we had to open a wormhole. And, well, you see…"

"You can't reopen it with endangering your entire crew to be sulked into the vortex. Can you?" Hannah finished, gulping. Frances stared uncomprehendingly at Kirk and then at Hannah. Slowly, understanding dawned on her face.

"You mean…" she said tentatively, "that we can't go home? Ever?" her voice broke on the last word. She glanced over at Hannah and noticed that her eyes sparkled with un-shed tears. Hannah lifted a hand and brushed it away forcefully. Frances own face was wet too.

"The needs of the many out way the needs of the few." Spock said. Kirk glanced between the two girls and said comfortingly,

"Not necessarily EVER. Just not right now, because we cannot stabilise it, so it's too dangerous." Both girls sniffed and Hannah noticed that Frances was crying too. She climbed out of her bed and into Frances, wrapping her arms around her. This was mainly due to her own selfish desire to not be alone, rather than to comfort Frances, but she thought she wouldn't correct them when they talked about it. Frances lifted her head off of Hannah's shoulder.

"What's going to happen to us?" She sniffled. Kirk glanced at Spock, Kirk clearly had an idea that he hadn't quite got round to telling Spock about.

"I was wondering, if until you can actually get home, you would like to be a member of our crew?"

"Captain?" Spock said in as much shock as Vulcan's ever show. Kirk shrugged,

"We could use the help, and I've already alerted Star Fleet about them." Bones stood up, for the second time ever actually agreeing with Spock.

"Jim! Use some help? From two underage, un-trained, don't even modern ANYTHING and you want their help?" He said in frustration. Hannah wiped away a tear from her cheek and sat upright.

"I was good at electronics at school and considering you have a ship this size there is bound to be something going wrong at some point. And Frances is freaking awesome any way and figured out how to drive a car, plane, boat and about seventy other things without any assistance. She is also our resident doctor as she's done…3 different courses in first aid was it?" Hannah said in a rush.

"4 actually… So if you could use any help with anything at all, cause we are both good at languages, and strategies too. And as for us being used to old ideas, sometimes they work better." Kirk gestured, kind of proudly at them, Bones looked a little stunned and Spock…remained passive, like usual.

"What could we need strategies for?" He asked.

"Well that guy said that 'knowing our lucky, we'll probably be under attack from Klingons by morning.'" Frances started.

"And that sounds like there is one group of people, in this case a species, trying to have ultimate control over the universe. Like they only want to be ruled or led or whatever their way. A bit like Hitler and the Nazi's." Spock nodded slightly, as if he approved of this argument. Bones grunted incoherently and Kirk grinned.

"I guess that's settled then." They left and Hannah and Frances sank back down into the bed, worried that perhaps they made the wrong choice.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3, excited? I AM! We meet Chekov here.

Pavel Chekov walked into the Medical Bay, slightly annoyed that Kirk had made him walk the whole way carrying two female Star Fleet uniforms, and both in the two colours that he wore depending on his shift. Hannah and Frances looked up as the door slid open.

"Vich one of you is vich?" he asked slightly grumpy. Hannah stood up.

"I'm Hannah." She said nervously. Chekov dumped the red dress into her arms quickly and shoved the yellow one at Frances. They went and changed into them and Hannah came out first and sat on the end of Frances bed. Chekov was also sat down there.

"Hi." She said quietly. "Are you…Russian?" Chekov nodded.

"I'm ze youngest here," he said, "Well, I vas. Now you are I guess." Hannah laughed softly. Frances came out, looking amazing in her Star Fleet uniform. She really suited it, almost as if she was meant to wear it. Hannah thought. She shook her head. What a stupid think, since when did she think like that? Hannah grinned at her.

"Ready, Engineer?" Frances said jokingly.

"You betcha, navigator!" Hannah replied. They both followed Chekov out of the Med Bay. He showed them around the ship, up till Engineering. He went in and yelled for Scotty. Scotty poked his head around the corner.

"It was YOU that dropped the T.V. on me!" Hannah gasped. Scotty looked at the floor sheepishly.

"Sorry aboot that. I dinnea mean to, honestly!" He said embarrassed. He waved her in. "Come on in! I'll make it up to you." Hannah waved to Frances slightly nervously. She disappeared inside Engineering. Now Frances was alone with Chekov. Fiddling with the corner of her dress out of nerves she followed him. He explained that they were going to the bridge. The busiest and most important place on the whole ship.

"You vill be learning how to be a navigator under me." He told her and Frances felt her heart leap.

"Ok." She said, very cheerfully. She felt some of her nervousness melt away as they entered the bridge. Chekov introduced her to the back of everyone's heads.

"You've already met ze keptin, there's Spock- first officer and a science commander, Sulu-pilot, Uhura- Spock's girlfriend and head of linguistics, then here's us." He walked to a station next to Sulu. Right at the very front. 'Oh great' Frances thought. He sat down in one of the chairs that were there. Someone had placed a second one for Frances. She sat in it gingerly, daintily crossing her legs and sitting very upright.

In Engineering Hannah was in awe. Scotty showed her around the huge room.

"It's so beautiful!" She gaped. Scotty looked at her appreciatively, then he noticed Keenser sitting on top of part of Engine 3. "GET DOWN!" he cried exasperated. "He's always doing that." Hannah laughed and then looked at the Engines. Puzzled she narrowed her eyes.

"Those engines? What are you using to cool them down?" She asked confused. Scotty looked at the engines.

"Cool them down? Oh, water turbines, underneath the engines."

"Oh! Of course, makes sense!" She leant over a control pad, "Wouldn't it be more efficient if you did….this!" she tapped away at a panel and the turbines gentle whirring changed tone. Scotty down at what she'd done.

"You're using some of the heat caused by the engines to be the energy source for the water turbines. So now there is no energy loss. Clever, I dinnea think of that." Hannah blushed slightly and carried on walking along the rows.

"So if I do this," Frances tapped the screen, "This and this, It'll readjust the course away from the orbit of Jupiter's moon, avoiding a collision." She moved her hands across the screen with ease. Chekov nodded proudly.

"Vell done! You're very good at zis!" Frances blushed.

"Captain there's an incoming vessel,"

Kirk stood up, "How long?" He demanded.

"7 seconds sir." Sulu announced.

Uhura turned to Kirk,

"They've sent a message, but I can't read it." Scotty and Hannah burst on the bridge. Hannah caught sight of the writing on the control desk in front of Uhura.

"Why does that say, is coming in ancient greek?" she asked,

"All engines have failed, we don't know why." Scotty said at the same time. Kirk swore,

"Khan?!" he exclaimed. Sulu turned to Kirk.

"They are hailing us," he said solemnly

"On screen."

The screen buzzed to life, everyone prepared themselves for Khan. But what came on the screen was what everyone least expected.

"What are YOU doing here?" Hannah, Frances and Khant (couldn't resist, that pun was there for the taking.) Khan's younger sister, chorused.


	4. Chapter 4

Khant waved at Kirk.

"Hiya." She turned back to Hannah, "What are you doing here?" Kirk held his hands up.

"Whoa! How do you know each other? And who ARE you?" Khant looked at him,

"Khant, please to meet you. No jokes about the name." She brushed a hand through her perfectly straight black hair. "Oh, and Hannah and I were friends-"

"I hated you."

"Oooh! Past tense, does that mean you like me now?" Khant said flirtatiously.

"You phish fooding purple gummy bear." Hannah muttered. "She tried to take over the ever loving strawberry cheesecake world. She's a little cookie dough."

"You say such nice things." Khant smiled, "Anyway, you're not telling them the full story. Shall I tell them?" Hannah stiffened, "My brother dearest sent me to sleep for, oh 320 years after that." Chekov thought and then said.

"Vasn't that the start of the Second World War?" Hannah nodded grimly. Khant winked and Kirk groaned.

"What. Do. You. Want?" he asked again. Khant smiled,

"I've got want, thank you so much. Oh and my brother is exceptionally pissed off and very much awake." There was a silence on board. "Well," Khant said again. "I'd best be off. So nice to have a proper chat. I'll be seeing you, Hannah Mortimer." The screen snapped off. Hannah suddenly realised that everyone was staring at her.

"That bitch." She muttered under her breath. She glared around at everyone, Kirk looked at her worriedly.

"What do you think we should do?" he asked, "You know her." Hannah spoke exactly what she thought at that moment.

"She's a backstabber, only cares about herself, why would she warn us about Khan without a reason? But she also likes to toy around with people, last time she, no, she wouldn't do that twice..." Realisation dawned on her face. "Of course she would, it's her." Hannah grabbed her arm and ran off the bridge. Kirk pulled away, Hannah spun on the spot.

"She was just trying to distract us, Khan will be on this ship somewhere. If you were trying to sabotage-"Scotty came off the bridge,

"ENGINEERING!"

They sprinted down the corridor, skidding to a stop just outside the door Kirk grabbed three phasers. He threw one to Scotty and passed the other to Hannah.

"Can you use this?"

"I can work out how to pull a trigger, Thank You Very Much." Hannah said indignantly, her spare hand drifting to brush again the edge of her dress.

"But will you?" Kirk asked bluntly. Hannah looked directly into his eyes.

"You don't know me at all do you? Trust me; I can do this if I must."

She slid in through the doors and disappeared into the darkness. Kirk and Scotty followed almost immediately, she was out of sight. Edging very close to the wall of Engineering, Kirk was un-nerved, not scared, he told himself, Star Fleet captains didn't get scared, by the silence. Hannah looked down on the two of them from the balcony she had scarpered up to.

"I'm sorry." She whispered softly to herself, her eyes sparkling with tears. She set her phaser to kill and fired.

Frances turned to Spock,

"If she starts firing, only move by one centimetre at a time, it'll make her think that there's something wrong with her weapons not that we are avoiding them." She said quickly. Spock nodded, for once not arguing. "McCoy will have to prepare the MedBay just in case. Plus so we can get those two into induced coma's, because I doubt that either me or Hannah will have the guts to kill either of them. I doubt Kirk will want to kill someone either." She continued.

"Who put YOU in charge?" Sulu demanded. Frances narrowed her eyes at him.

"I know what I'm doing here." She said rounding on him, talking exceptionally quickly and furiously. " I have an idea of how to get rid of those two morons, and unless you have one- an if you do I'd you'd love to hear it- I shut up and do as I ask. Or everyone will die."

Sulu shut up. Everyone with any first aid training went to MedBay to help out. Frances turned back to Spock.

"I need to get on that shuttle."


	5. Chapter 5

Hannah ducked as her shot re-bounded off of the reflective surface on the warp core. It hit Khan in the face, only leaving a nasty cut. Quickly, while he was slightly distracted through pain, she swept her foot across the floor. Khan toppled backward as his feet were swept away from underneath him. Hannah brought her foot up and smashed her heel into his nose. Kirk and Scotty came bounding up the steps towards her. Scotty protectively pulled Hannah away from Khan, whilst Kirk repeatedly shot Khan in the chest. It did absolutely nothing. Hannah shrugged out of Scotty grip and pulled a gun from a makeshift holder she had made from her old jumper sleeve. She pointed it at Khan.

"Unlucky for you, Khan, I came prepared." She snarled. "Never underestimate a small teenage girl that's been bullied for years and has watched far too many episodes of _Supernatural." _She hit him around the face with the butt of the gun. She pointed it calmly at Khan's face.

"You know that won't work." Khan sneered, laughing as he spat out a mouthful of blood on to the floor. "You wouldn't have the guts to shoot me anyway." Hannah smiled evilly. She leant forwards and whispered malevolently.

"Try me."

Spock hurried to keep up with Frances as she scarpered down corridor.

"This only worked last time because Mr Scott was inside the ship to open the hatch." He insisted. "How do you propose that you board this ship in this way?" Frances moved to the weapons specialist on board the ship, Carol Marcus,

"Prepare to fire at the rear end of the shuttle." Frances instructed. Carol nodded and moved off to comply. "We are gonna blow a hole in this sucka. Then I'll just fly through that."

"Are you aware that if you miss, and the probability of that is 97.3%, this will, almost certainly, kill you."

"Yes."

"And what do we do if you do indeed miss?"

"I thought you were supposed to be smart." Frances muttered. Then raising her voice slightly, "You improvise." Chekov overheard this conversation and grabbed Frances shoulder.

"Someone else should go." He said protectively, Frances shook her head. "Zen let me go with you."

"No." she said firmly and perhaps just a little bit sadly. "Hannah and I got you into this mess and so, we'll get you out of it. You guys shouldn't have to die because we screwed up." Frances ran off to a release hatch.

"Any idea what she means by zat?" Chekov asked, turning to face Spock.

"Not even in the slightest." Spock replied, still watching Frances run off.

Hannah's hands weren't even wavering a centimetre.

"Make one move and I'll shoot, _Khan,_ but that's not even your name is it?" Kirk and Scotty blinked and looked at each other in shock. Khan raised an eyebrow. "No, you don't HAVE a name do you Test Subject 01." Hannah continued. "It was project .χ.α.π. or as that transliterates, Khan. Frances and I nicknamed you and Test Subject 02 Khan and Khant. Our parents were genetic scientists and neurobiologists, did you know that? We got bored and fiddled about with your brains, accidently implanting a deep loathing towards humans and a need to dictate everything you saw." Khan's face was unreadable; Hannah sniffed slightly and looked sideways at Kirk. His face was a mask of horror, "They killed millions of people in the 3 days they escaped from the lab. And," Hannah grimaced. "And I helped them." Her hands were shaking now and a tear rolled down her cheek softly. "I screwed up ok! I didn't realise what I was doing!" She squeezed her eyes shut, to stop the flow of tears.

Bang.

Frances prepared herself to literally, shot out into deep space at Khant's shuttle. To allow as little time as possible between Khant's ship being hit at Frances getting on board, She would be leaving the Enterprise seconds after shooting the torpedo. Spock thought that this plan was unlikely to succeed, but without a better one of his own he was allowing it to happen. Also Frances scared him slightly when she was angry.

"Ready?" Chekov asked her.

"Not in the slightest." Frances answered. "Let's go." Spock gave the command and Frances was thrown through space. It was dead silence, except for her rapid breathing. The torpedo and 3.4 seconds later Frances was through and smacked against the wall.

'_And that's why we put the helmet on the monkey._' She thought. She peeled herself off the wall and ran through and airlock. She yanked the remaining part of the helmet at Khant.

"Hey! Assbutt!" she called as the helmet hit. Khant spun around, unable to comprehend how she got in. Then it hit her,

"You know that tricks already been done." Khant sneered.

"Well that must make you exceptionally stupid." Frances retorted. She punched Khant in the face. She unclenched, re-clenched and unclenched her fist. "That felt good." She murmured. Khant slapped her back.

'_Perhaps Chekov would have been more use here.' _

Khant raised another arm and screamed as she caught sight of her reflective. Hurrying over to get a better look, Khant yelled.

"No! Is that….? NO! I'VE GOT A SPOT!"

_OH COME ON!_


	6. Chapter 6

"I just shot someone." Hannah stared in shock. Scotty kicked Khan in the ribs. Khan moaned in agony.

"Dinnea worry lass. At least you dinnea kill him." He said far too cheerfully. "Nice shot by the way." Kirk picked up Khan and began dragging him out of Engineering. Scotty jogged up beside him.

"Errrr, what are you doing?" he asked suspiciously, Kirk glared at him.

"Taking him to SickBay. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? If Khan wakes up here, and we aren't here, this ship is-"

"-Screwed." Hannah finished softly from back where she shot Khan. She hadn't moved. Kirk glanced back at the shell-shocked girl, and dumped Khan on Scotty.

"Take him to SickBay."

"Captai-"

"Scotty, please?" Scotty dragged Khan of towards Sickbay, grumbling as he went. Kirk walked back to Hannah and wrapped her into a hug. Hannah buried her face in his chest. He gently stroked her hair.

"Hey, it's ok. It's ok!" He prised her off him. "Look at me." Hannah unwillingly looked up at him. "It's alright. He would have killed everyone on this ship. You did what any one of us would have done. Better in fact, most of us would have just wimped out or actually killed him." Hannah nodded slightly and rubbed her eyes.

Bones looked up as Scotty dragged Khan in by his feet.

"What happened?" He asked surprised, Bones hadn't seen a bullet wound in years.

"Hannah shot him in the balls." Bones held his hand about waist height.

"Hannah?"

Scotty copied Bones' gesture.

"Hannah." Khan's eyes fluttered slightly and Scotty kicked him again. Hard. Bones whistled.

"Didn't think the kid would have it in her. What did she shoot him with?" Scotty shrugged.

"Some old gun." A nurse walked past, noticed the blood on the floor and her eyes fell on Khan.

"Oh my god!" she screamed. "Aren't you going to help him?" Bones and Scotty looked at each other, down at Khan and back to each other.

"Nah."

Frances rolled her eyes and picked up a phaser. Stunning Khant, she hailed the Enterprise. Using Khant's hand she waved at them, accidently knocking open a compartment.

"EWW!" she squealed. "Could you get us out of here? Quickly?" Hannah watched as she and Kirk returned to the Bridge. A pile of gooey things that appeared to be eyes, collapsed on Frances as they beamed away.

"She does realise they are Halloween sweets right?" Hannah asked with a slight smile. Chekov laughed. Then the ship exploded.

Sorry this one is really short! I didn't want to carry on. I've also written a second one that takes place after this one has finished so, if you want to read that too. Knock yourself out. Please don't take that literally.


	7. Chapter 7

Ok, so _technically _the ship didn't explode. But little packets full of bright pink, glittery love heart-shaped confetti did. Kirk got the brute of this, as the person that had placed these had concentrated them over his chair. He closed his eyes, leant back in his chair and groaned.

"Oh, I am so going to kill Fliss.*" Security guards dragged Khant into SickBay where Bones put both her and her brother into Induced comas. Spock informed Star Fleet- who, by the way, hadn't even realised they were missing- that they had Khan and Khant safely in there hold and in a seduced coma. Chekov grinned even wider as Frances entered the Bridge, the only one there NOT covered in pink glitter.

"You ok?" she asked Hannah.

"Gwitter, gwitter, EWERYWHERE!" Hannah said as a reply.

"I'll take that demented reply as a yes then, Magnus Bane. Did you get Khan?"

"Hell, yeah!" Hannah said triumphantly

"How?" Frances demanded, suspiciously.

"She shot him." Spock said calmly and, spock-ly.

"You…SHOT, Khan?" Frances yelled in shock.

"It was an accident!"

"HOW? How do you accidently SHOOT SOMEONE?" Frances cried incredulously

"I DIDN'T REALISE IT WAS A GUN!"

"WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS? A BANANA?" Hannah opened her mouth to reply sarcastically but then a thought crossed her mind. She snorted, then quickly covered her mouth to stop herself. Unable to stop, she started laughing. Everyone stared at her.

"Bee do, bee do." She giggled. Frances raised an eyebrow.

"Minions. Seriously?" She said. "How old are you Hannah? 3?" Frances tried to keep a serious face, but Hannah had such a stupid laugh it was hard to NOT join in. Hannah suddenly realised what a great opportunity she had and snapped a picture of Kirk and Spock covered in pink glittery hearts on her iPod. She glanced at the photo. She showed Frances, who looked at it then laughed even harder.

"No WAY!" she laughed, and pointed to Spock, unable to get any more words out. Everyone looked at Spock, smiling slightly and at Hannah and Frances' hysterics.

"Spock… are you SMILING?" Uhura asked slyly, "You are!"

"Vulcan's do not smile!" He said, trying really hard to hide it, but he failed. He laughed. Kirk stared in shock and Uhura laughed at his expression, of which Frances took a picture of on HER iPhone.

Bones entered the Bridge. He stopped dead in the doorway, staring open mouthed at the scene. He didn't quite believe what he was seeing.

Hannah and Frances stood to the left of the Captain's chair, corpsing at every little thing. Spock was actually LAUGHING, Uhura attempting, and failing, to stop laughing at Kirk, who appeared to be living in a nightmare. And the ENTIRE (except Frances) crew completely COVERED in Bright Pink sparkly, sticky love hearted confetti.

_One normal day. That's all I want. One, flipping, day._

"Dammit Jim!"

*Fliss is Kirk's little sister. She features in my second fan fic if you want to read about her.


	8. Hannah's log

Hannah's log

Ok, let me make this very clear. Kirk's making me do this. I don't want to do this, not at all. But here goes.

It turned out, that Tibby (yeah, I've started calling him Tibby. I don't know why.) hadn't actually told Star Fleet about me and Frances. He just said that to shut Spock up. I mean you would. So when we landed on Earth, we had a lot of explaining to do. As Frances is 14 (it was last week) and I'm only 13, we have to be looked after by two 'responsible, well-behaved and high ranking members of the Enterprise'. They gave us to Kirk and McCoy/Bones. I'm stuck with Tibby and Frances, Bones. Responsible? Please, I'm more mature than Kirk's and that's saying A LOT. We are now fully fledged members of the USS Enterprise, woo! I'm doing Engineering and Medical classes. I think they are the two most important, cos I mean if you get stuck on a deserted/hostile planet the first thing you want to do is help the injured and fix your ship right? And there's no point just doing one. Frances is doing Navigation, and a little bit of medicine too.

Like I said Frances' birthday was last week and we had this huge party for her. She wasn't expecting anyone to remember so it was amazing. We even managed to get Spock to come, but you know, he was Spock. The picture of him smiling went viral, I'm so proud of myself for that! It was so much fun.

Engineering is hard work, but I'm mostly getting there, Scotty's teaching me so that's ok. His girlfriend, Freya, sometimes helps. I like her, she's nice. Tibby's little sister is a gummy bear though. A cookie doughy, phish fooding purple gummy bear. (I swear in ben and jerry's ice-cream flavours and instead of bitch or anything like that I say 'gummy bear' the darker the colour the worse.*) I hate her so much, but Kirk's making me be nice to her. The 5 year mission hangs in the balance. Oh yeah. FIVE YEAR MISSION IN UN-CHARTED SPACE! Who go it? ONLY THE ENTERPRISE! So excited. I can't wait! See ya guys!

*Thank god for Tumblr!


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